DJ
by IlluminatiGirl
Summary: It is mentioned in 'Luck Be A Lady p. 2' that Danny and Pam eloped, and Jesse was not happy about it. This is what really happened (or my idea of how it happened). Please R&R. (The title might be a little deceiving, but eventually it'll make sense.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, people. This is a story I wrote just for fun. Since Jesse is my favorite character, I always wondered how he felt when Pam and Danny got married. And that's what this story is about. I got the idea to write this from reading snowwhitescreamqueen's story, "A Full House Divided", and I wanted to write one like it. It's not exactly the same, so I'm not plagiarizing. =) Anyway, this is in Jesse's point of view. Hope you like it! (Sorry if the title doesn't make sense, but trust me, it will soon.)**

 **~IlluminatiGirl**

 **D.J.**

 **Part One- Chapter One**

"I don't want to go," I told Pam.

"Too bad," she replied, "Danny invited you. It would be rude not to go."

I groaned and flopped onto the couch. "Tell him I'm sick. Tell him I broke my leg. Tell him I'm in a coma!"

"Jesse, you're coming, and that's that." Pam said firmly.

"Why does he even want me to come on your date, anyway?" I asked.

"It's not a date," she told me. "We're just going to the movies. Joey's coming, too."

"Oh, no, not Joey!" I whined. "Isn't he the Neat Geek's annoying comedian friend?"

Pam gave me a look. "Stop calling Danny the 'Neat Geek'," she scolded.

"But he's neat, and he's a geek." I reminded her. "Nicknames are _supposed_ to suit people."

She sighed, not wanting to argue with me.

"Well, what if I get grounded?" I asked. "Then I can't go, right?"

She thought for a second. "Well, I guess not-"

"Mom!" I yelled. "I broke your vanity mirror!"

"Jesse!" Pam exclaimed. Trying a different approach, she said, "Look, Danny said he'll buy popcorn for all of us."

"Free popcorn?" I repeated. "Alright, I'll come."

"What's that, Jesse?" my mom called.

"Oh...nothing!" I yelled back.

"Thanks, Jess." Pam said gratefully. "You won't regret this."

"I wouldn't bet on that if I were you. What movie are we seeing?"

"Wind in the Prairie."

I stared at her. "Ohh...I am _so_ going to regret this..."

"Please don't blow this, okay?" she pleaded. "I really love Danny, and I know he loves me, so behave."

" _Behave_? _Me_? Do you _know_ who you're talking to?"

"Yes, and that's the problem." Pam teased. "The movie is about three hours long, so try not to fall asleep."

I groaned again. "I am really, really going to regret this..."

 **Sorry for the short chapter, I'll post more soon. =D**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Not much to say. Hope you like it! Please Read & Review. Flames are welcome. =)**

 **~IlluminatiGirl**

 **D.J.**

 **Part One- Chapter Two**

"Come on, Jess!" Pam yelled up the stairs.

I moped downstairs and grabbed my jacket.

"Where were you?" she demanded. "Danny's been waiting outside for almost three minutes!"

"Big deal," I said, brushing her off. "I was moussing my hair."

Pam rolled her eyes. "Let's go."

"Hold on," I said, blocking her. "If this _isn't_ a date, does that mean you and Danny _aren't_ going to make out?"

Pam shoved me out the door.

Danny's car was parked outside our house. Danny waved to us. Pam waved back. I just scowled. We walked down the steps and got into the car. Pam got to sit in the front, so of _course_ , I got the backseat. Right next to Joey.

"Hey, Jesse," Joey said. "Wanna hear a joke?"

I buckled my seat belt. "No."

"Oh, come on, it's really funny," he begged.

"Fine," I gave in, sliding down in my seat. Danny's car smelled like Lysol. Of course.

"What's red, and smells like blue paint?" he asked.

"Red paint." I said flatly.

Joey frowned. "Hmm. I could've sworn that one was funny."

I sighed.

"Okay, how about this one?" he tried again. "What do you call a sheep with no legs, tail, or head?"

"A pile of wool."

"Nope, a cloud." Joey said, cracking up.

"A _cloud_?" I exclaimed. "Clouds are made of water droplets that have evaporated from lakes, oceans, and rivers. How could a dead, decapitated sheep be in any way considered a _cloud_?"

Joey stared at me. "Uh- uh- well- uh..."

I slid back down and blew a strand of hair out of my face.

Joey seemed deep in thought.

"Are we there yet?" I groaned.

"Almost!" Danny replied cheerfully. "This movie is going to be great! It's about two guys during the French Revolution, who are fighting in war, and then one of them dies, so the other one commits suicide-"

"He commits _suicide_?" I scoffed. "How did _this_ guy even get into the military?

"Well, we're going to see the movie." Danny said. "Wait and see."

"Wanna hear another joke?" Joey asked.

"Not really," I muttered.

"What do you call two banana peels?" he asked anyway.

"A pair of slippers and I said 'not really'." I snapped.

"Hmm..." Joey thought. "I gotta find some new material."

"You could use that outfit." I suggested. "It's a _great_ joke."

Joey looked down at his blue and purple-leaved shirt and green sweatpants.

"So, Danny," said Pam, "You never finished telling me what happened to George."

"Oh, right," Danny remembered. "So after Leah asked him to the dance..."

I just tuned him out. Not only did I have to come along with two of my least favorite people to watch a seemingly boring movie, but now I had to listen to boring college gossip, too. How fun.

"So, Jess," Joey said, turning to face me. "How's your life going?"

I glance at him sideways. "It was going along _just_ fine until you came into it, thanks."

"How's that girlfriend of yours? What was her name...Jessica?"

"She's fine."

He stopped trying to make small talk, thank god. He turned and started listening in on Danny and Pam's conversation.

"Are we there yet?" I whined.

"Almost!" Danny said again.

After a few more minutes of a painfully awkward exchange between George and Leah, we finally pulled up to the parking lot of the movie theater. I pushed open the door and ran up to the ticket stand. "Can we watch 'Dogs'?"

"That's and R-rated picture." Pam informed me. "You have to be seventeen."

Therefore...we got in line to see 'Wind in the Prairie'. The billboard had a picture of a weird guys with a really long mustache and a huge feather hat leaning over some dead guy who also had a really long mustache and a huge feather hat. You can clearly tell that a movie is a snore-fest when the dudes are wearing feathered hats. Ugh.

" _Jesse_?"

I whipped around, just in time to see my girlfriend running towards me.

"Jessica?" I said, surprised. "What are _you_ doing here?"

She pointed behind her. "I came with them."

I looked to where she was pointing, and saw a few girls from my class; Cindy, Janice, Patricia, and... _Wendy_. Oh, Wendy. The Neat Geek's little sister. My archenemy ever since pre-K.

"When did you start hanging out with _Wendy_?" I asked in disgust.

Jessica gave me a look. "She invited me. It would be rude not to come."

Oh, great. So everyone in the world had _that_ philosophy except me. I always knew I was different from everyone else. But I had always thought it was just my hair. No, it's that _I_ don't believe that if a jerk invites you somewhere, it is _your_ responsibility as a human being to _go_ there, otherwise, you would be considered _'rude'_. Okay. Fair enough.

Jessica crossed her arms. "And it's not like _you_ invited me here or anything."

I put my hands up. "Don't blame me. I'm here with _them_."

Jessica peered over my shoulder.

"Why...why did you come on your sister's date?"

Let me just take a second to explain something. It's really interesting how even though me and my classmates are in the eight grade, we know all of the college kids. That's mostly because a lot of us have sibling in that age group, and they all used to go to the high school right next to us. That can be a bad thing, since everyone knows that Pam and Danny are an item, and that is not good for my reputation. As you can probably guess, Danny is not exactly the king of cool. Pam used to be popular, because she had the Katsolopolis gene of good looks, and because she was available. Now...well, she's still just as pretty, but she ain't single. Wendy and I had tried out best to break them up, (she wasn't thrilled with it, either), but unfortunately, it failed. They've been dating for almost two years now. I just hope that Pam finally comes to her senses and dumps him. But until then, I'll just have to live with it.

Anyway.

I groaned. "Pam made me come along." I told Jessica. "Hey, what do you say we ditch our groups and go on our own date?"

She smiled. "That sounds great."

"Jess!" Pam called. "Come on!"

Notice how that's the second time she's said that in less than fifteen minutes.

I grabbed Jessica's hand and dragged her over to the ticket stands.

"Change of plans." I told Pam. "Me and Jessica are going to watch 'Dogs'. We'll meet you here at eleven-thirty. See ya."

Pam grabbed the hood of my leather jacket and held be back. "It's too late for a change of plans. You're coming with us. Jessica can tag along if she wants to. Let's go."

Pam pulled me into the theater, following Danny and Joey, and since I was still onto holding Jessica's hand, I pulled her with me.

She didn't seem to mind.

 **Wow. Okay, so that was a long one. Just for the record, Jesse is thirteen and in an I-hate-the-whole-world phase, so don't think he's being an obnoxious asshole. More coming soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

**D.J.**

 **Part One- Chapter Three**

Wendy, Cindy, Janice, and Patricia ended up joining us to watch 'Wind in the Prairie', which was probably the _biggest_ mistake they could have possibly made. I made sure to sit behind Danny and Pam with Jessica, so that I could spy on them. Now, me and Jessica are the kind of couple who actually _watch_ the movie, instead of making out the whole time, but this movie was so boring, we _had_ to kiss in order to not fall asleep. Danny seemed pretty interested in the two feather-hat dudes, having long conversations in old English, saying things like, 'Hark at the fakirs, desirous of the amiable rubicund visages, henpecked to be betokened of thou marred talismans' and such gibberish, while gently gazing into each others eyes for what seemed like forever, like they're going to kiss any second.

I hope you feel my pain.

Just as Feather-dude #1 was mourning over Feather-dude #2's dead body, (I couldn't care enough to find out their names, but they were probably, like, Jacques or Pierre or something), I noticed that Pam was dozing off. I did her a big favor and kicked the top of her seat, which made her jump.

"What's wrong?" Danny asked, concerned.

"Oh, uh, nothing," Pam stammered. "I was just, uh, you know...touched by...you know, the guy's...uh...you know-"

"Danny, man, we're falling asleep here." I told him. "Could you have picked a mor _e boring_ movie?"

Danny looked up at me, confused.

"Boring?" he repeated. "What do you mean? This is about the French Revolution, and how France conquered-"

"Yeah, yeah," I interrupted. "But you know what the problem is? _Nobody cares_ about the French Revolution!"

Pam was giving me the death glare, so I decided to stop whining. Well, so much for _behaving_. Sorry, sis.

"I like the movie, Danny," Joey said, halfheartedly.

"Oh, yeah, it's nice..." Pam agreed, "But, uh-"

"But nice isn't good enough." I finished for her, even though I knew that wasn't what she was going to say.

We watched the rest of the movie, and throughout it all, Danny looked a little dejected. Boo-hoo. Jessica looked like she wanted to sleep, so I didn't bother her. I had nothing else to do for the next two hours, except eat popcorn. Once mine was done, I took Jessica's. She was out cold, so she didn't mind. I wanted to sleep, too, but I was a light sleeper, and the occasional gunshot was enough to keep me awake.

The Feather-dudes were literally not doing anything, just walking through a field of corn, while an annoying violin strained in the background. I felt sorry for the actors who had to play in this thing. They must have had incredible patience. I would have just dropped dead.

I fiddled with the bracelet that Jessica had gotten me last year on Valentine's Day, back when we were still innocent little kids, who pulled each others hair instead of talking to each other. We had progressed a lot since then, but we still hadn't gone all the way, if you know what I mean. That was _fine by me_. I had kept that bracelet on ever since. It was one of those long, thin, beaded ones, that wrap around you wrist several times. It was pink and orange, with the occasional red or white bead.

I glanced up at the screen to see if anything had actually _happened_ , but no. The Feather-hat was still walking through that damn cornfield, crying. I noticed that Danny was also getting teary, but that was probably because he realized that this whole situation would finally make Pam dump him.

One can only hope.

 **A/N: So, for those of you who say that Carrie was Jesse's first real girlfriend, forget that. Jessica was. From seventh grade to the middle of tenth grade, when she moved away to Chicago. That just works much better. =)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Please keep in mind that this in the perspective of a 13-year-old boy.  
**

 **~IlluminatiGirl**

 **D.J.**

 **Part One- Chapter Four**

To sum things up, we finished the movie after a painful three and a half hours, and got out of the theater. The very last scene of the movie, I remember that one of the Feather-dudes dropped a grenade and just blew all the feathers right off the dudes' hats. _Hallelujah_.

I gave Jessica a quick kiss goodbye, and the girls left, all of them looking _hella_ bored. Who could blame them? Girls were humans too (well, after elementary school, that is).

Danny, Pam, Joey, and me drove home. Well, technically, Danny drove, and he spent most of the eight-minute car ride apologizing.

"Was it really that bad?" he asked us for the fifth time.

"Danny, I told you, it was _fine_ ," Pam told him.

"It was cool," Joey mumbled.

"Oh, I knew it wouldn't be interesting enough!" he said. "Next time, I'll take us too see a movie on World War I. It's about-"

"No!" I interrupted. "I mean, uh, look. We do not want to see any move movies about Feather-hat dudes walking through fields, crying, because they're dumb friends died."

Pam gave me another glare, but I didn't care. I had the right to speak my mind.

"Jesse, if you didn't like the movie, why did you come along?" Danny asked me.

Let's just completely forget how that question makes no sense.

"You think I wanted to come?" I retorted. "Pam dragged me here!"

Danny gave his girlfriend a confused look. "I thought you said he wanted to come."

Pam looked sheepish. "Well, he...agreed..."

"If he didn't want to come, you shouldn't have made him," said Danny.

Pam sighed. "I'm sorry. I just wanted you two to get along better."

"Nonsense," Danny replied, cheerfully. "We already get along great. Right, Jess?"

I didn't even bother to say anything.

"Oh, it's okay," Danny said to Pam, "I forgive you."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't Pam be the one forgiving _Danny_? Or, better yet, _not_ forgiving him?

But, Pam just smiled sweetly at him.

They gazed at each other for a minute, and I couldn't help saying, "You _know_ you can't kiss right now. Keep your eyes on the road."

Danny turned pink and continued driving.

Great. So I guess Pam wasn't gonna dump him.

"Hey, Jess," said Joey. I had forgotten he was here. "Wanna hear another joke?"

"Ugh. I guess." After that ridiculously boring movie, I decided that Joey's jokes weren't that bad. Well, to a point.

But jokes like this:

"What did the cow say to the other cow?"

"I don't know, what?"

"Nothing. Cows don't talk."

Now that's just stupid.

 **Hey, does anybody know how to do a line break? Cuz I don't. =P**

After a car ride full of corny jokes, we reached our house. I checked my watch. It was 11:30. Almost four hours since we had left. Four precious hours of my life, wasted. Wasted on Danny and his bad taste in entertainment.

I hopped out of the car and sat on the front steps. I tried to shake the troubling images of the feathered hats out of my mind. I probably wouldn't be able to look at another feather for weeks. Ugh. Bye-bye second grade pine cone turkey. You're going in the trash.

When I was done clearing my mind of feathers, (oh, great. They're back.), I looked up just in time to see Pam and Danny kissing. Oh, what a nice image. And it wasn't just a peck on the lips, either. They were full-on making out.

At the kiss got deeper, I started to panic. Shouldn't Pam be mad at Danny right now? Or at least, not in the mood for _this_? I mean, he took us to the most boring movie on the planet, made us sit in a dark theater, and watch feather-hat dudes talk nonsense to each other! Am I the only one who feels like this? Please, tell me.

"Pam!" I called. "Come on, let's go!" Now it was _my_ turn to say that.

Pam broke away from Danny, and ran over to open the door for me. I watched Danny drive away, and scowled at him.

The only way that Pam wouldn't be mad at Danny right now, is if they were really in love. And I mean _really_.

My sister, the rad, bad, Pam, who could have had _any_ guy in the world, was in love with the Neat Geek.

Oh no.

 **End of Part One! Hope you liked it! =)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So...this is part two! This chapter is a little short. Enjoy!**

 **D.J.**

 **Part Two- Chapter One**

I was starting to get worried. Pam had been gone since six o'clock. I was almost four AM. She had never been gone this long (well, except for that one time she had a sleepover at her friend's house a couple months ago). And this time she didn't even leave a note.

My mom was busy calling around. She had called Danny's mom, Joey's mom, and a bunch of Pam's friends' moms, whose names I can never seem to remember. Technically, Pam should be allowed to stay out as long as she wants, since she _is_ almost twenty years old, but my mom said that as long as she lives under this roof, she must always leave a note. And if Pam wasn't usually such a good girl, we probably wouldn't be so worried right now.

"Look, if you hear anything, could you please let me know?" my mom asked whoever she was on the phone with. "Thank you."

I came into the kitchen. "Any word yet?" I asked, grabbing an apple from the counter.

"No, and why are _you_ not in bed yet?" my dad asked.

"My sister is missing!" I replied dramatically. "You want me to go to _sleep_?"

My mom hung up the phone. "Oh, how could she do this to us? Where could she be? I am going to kill her when she gets home."

"What if she never gets home?" I piped up. "What if she got kidnapped? What if, at this very moment, she's lying, unconscious in a ditch on the side of the highway?"

My mom's eyes widened. Even I had to admit, my fantasies were scaring me. I just wanted her to burst through the front door alive and well.

Suddenly, as if on cue, the front door opened. The three of us ran into the living room.

It was Pam. She was casually taking off her scarf, as if she hadn't just come home at four in the morning, making a racket like no one was supposed to be asleep or anything.

My mom ran over and wrapped her in a hug.

"Oh, Pamela, you had us worried sick! Where have you been?" my mom raged. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Then she nearly yanked off my dad's arm to check his watch.

"It is 4:16! You have been gone all night! And you didn't even leave a note! Do you realize that we've been calling around for hours? You'd better have a very good explanation!"

Pam pulled away from my mom's grip, and gently placed her hand on her stomach. "I was in Las Vegas with Danny and Joey."

"Las Vegas?!" my mom exclaimed. "Why?"

"Danny and I got married."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Another really short one! Don't get mad. Have Mercy.**

 **~IlluminatiGirl**

 **D.J.**

 **Part Two- Chapter Two**

At first I thought I was dreaming. At any moment, I would wake up, in my bed, in my dark, Elvis Presley postered bedroom, and Pam would be down the hall, sleeping peacefully.

It didn't happen.

What _did_ happen, is that my parents and I stared at Pam. She just looked at us, sheepishly, probably not knowing what to expect. Suddenly, my mom started snickering. It started out quiet and muffled, but got louder, into hysterical laughter.

"Oh, Pamela...that's a good one! You really had us going!" she hooted.

Pam gave her a look in such a calm way, it scared the hell out of me.

My mom also saw her look, and she instantly stopped laughing.

"Oh...you...you're...you're...serious?" she asked, weakly.

Pam nodded slowly.

"Ohhh..." mom sank onto the edge of the couch.

I just gaped at my sister, open-mouthed. My brain was not working.

"W-w-why?" my dad managed to say.

Pam took a deep breath. "You'd better sit down..."

My dad and I didn't question her, we just obeyed, like hypnotized dogs. My mom stayed where she was.

"Okay," said Pam. "You have to promise not to get mad and start yelling."

Uh-oh. That's exactly what people say when they're about to say...

"I'm pregnant."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This one's a bit longer. Thanks for the reviews! Keep 'em coming!**

 **D.J.**

 **Part Two- Chapter Three**

As soon as she said that, she she brace herself. Prepared for the worst. Smart move.

"You're _WHAT?!_ " my dad yelled.

"Dad-"

"Don't you _'dad'_ me!" re raged. "How could you do this to me?!"

" _You?_ " Pam asked, confused.

"I'm going to be the world's youngest grandfather!"

"You're not that young." Pam reasoned. "You're forty-four."

I looked over at my mom. She was as pale as a ghost.

Suddenly, my brain woke up. I realized what was going on.

"I mean, you could have at least-"

"YOU MARRIED DANNY?!" I screamed. "YOU- YOU- WHA- WHA- _WHY_?!"

Pam bit her lip. "I love him." she said quietly.

"Bullshit!" I exclaimed. "You can't love him, he's an idiot!"

"Jesse!" Pam scolded. I wasn't supposed to swear, but she had brought this on herself.

"And not only did you _marry_ him, but you're pregnant with his child!"

"Jesse, calm down." my dad demanded. Funny how he was yelling a few seconds ago.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?! You seriously expect me to be calm right now?! My sister got married! I mean, why are you so calm?! She eloped, Pop! Eloped!"

I was raging. I couldn't believe this was happening. My sister had gone right ahead and gotten married to the most obnoxious idiot on the planet...

Wait.

Danny.

Pam.

Married.

I suddenly stopped and the angry expression fell of my face. You could almost hear it drop, that's how quiet it was in the room. Everyone was starting at me.

"Does this mean..." I said, slowly, almost whispering. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want it to be true. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

Alas, it didn't happen.

"Does this mean I'm _related_ to Danny?"

I could tell that Pam hadn't even considered this, because she just looked at me for a second.

Slowly, the gears in my head were turning. I was putting together the pieces of the puzzle.

"And... _Wendy_?" I said, weakly.

Pam nodded slightly.

"I'm Wendy's brother-in-law?" I asked, sinking into the edge of the couch.

Pam just sighed and nodded again.

This was too much to process all at once. Pam couldn't do this to me. She couldn't.

"You're Pamela _Tanner_ now." I confirmed.

The ugly truth just kept on coming.

"You're going to be a mom?"

Make it stop.

"I'm going to be an _uncle_?!"

Ever heard that expression, 'My brain is about to explode'? It's just an expression, but if it was ever to be used, now would be as good a time as any.

'Cause my brain was literally about to explode.

I got up from the couch and took a shaky breath. Everything was happening too fast. If I knew how to faint, I probably would have. My mom hadn't moved at all. Or said anything. She certainly looked like _she_ was going to faint. Maybe I'd ask her for a lesson later. Meh.

I turned and strode down the hallway, abandoning my family in the artificially lit living room. I didn't even look back.

I turned left into my room, crossed over to my bed, lay down, and pulled the pillow over my head. It was probably going to mess up my hair, but whatever. It was like mechanical movements.

Maybe if I went to sleep, I would wake up in the morning, and none of this would have happened. It was all just a dream. I knew it was a dream.

It had to be.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hi, guys. Again, this one is really short. Forgive me. I post pretty frequently, so that makes up for it. =)**

 **~IlluminatiGirl**

 **D.J.**

 **Part Two- Chapter Four**

Well, what do you know? It wasn't. It wasn't a dream.

I woke up the next morning, the bright sun shining in my face. I could remember everything that had happened last night. It was sort of a blur, but I remembered the highlights. Pam. Married. Pregnant. Baby. Yelling. Swearing. And messy hair.

It was all real. Pam had married Danny. Pam was pregnant with Danny's child. It was hard to believe.

I got out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair _was_ a mess. I must have tossed and turned all night. (Or for the three hours I had actually slept.) I kind of remembered my dream. There was this little girl that looked exactly like Danny, with long brown hair, wearing a diaper, who walked around spraying Windex on everything. ? 'K then.

I glared at my reflection. How could Pam do this to me? How could she elope with my least favorite guy ever? Why does she like him so much? What does she see in him? He's not that hot, he isn't cool, he isn't popular, he's too nice, and he is _way_ to obsessed with cleaning. He is _so_ not good enough for Pam.

I grabbed a can of mousse and uncapped it. Pam had known Danny since tenth grade. Technically, they had gone to the same school, but never spoken to each other. If only it had stayed that way.

I mean, if Pam had married anyone else, I wouldn't have minded.

Right?

Anyone but Danny Tanner.

Right?

For some reason, I wasn't so sure.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: In this story, Jesse pretty much looks like he did in Season Three, but smaller, and more like a kid. Just to help you get a mental picture.**

 **~IlluminatiGirl**

 **D.J.**

 **Part Two- Chapter Five**

As I walked to school, I prayed that no one had heard. Secrets in Junior High spread like a forest fire.

I spotted my friends, Pete and Duane, at the corner of the street. As soon as they saw me, they started snickering.

"Hey, Jesse _Tanner_ ," Duane teased. I scowled at him.

"Oh, so you heard," I said bitterly.

" _I_ heard?" he repeated. "The whole school probably heard!"

I groaned.

"I can't believe that Pam married the Neat Geek!" Pete exclaimed. "She is way too good for him."

"Sam's gonna be crushed." Duane pointed out.

Sam was my other best friend. He had a huge crush on my sister, which was way out of line. But to be honest, Pam would be better off if she had married Sam instead of Danny. Too late for that, though.

"Look, can we just forget it?" I snapped.

"Sure _we_ can." Pete replied. "But I don't think anyone else will."

"How did you even find out?" I demanded.

"Well, I heard it from Pete, who heard it from Jimmy, who heard it from Rory, who heard it from Jerry, who heard it from Janice, who heard it from Patricia, who heard it from Wendy." Duane explained. "And I bet a lot of other people were told along the way."

Keep in mind this all happened in one night.

I blew a strand of hair out of my face in frustration. My hair was getting long. My mom wanted me to cut it, but I had said NO WAY, JOSE. My dad agreed with me. He knew that you don't just _cut_ hair. Hair is precious. Life would be easier for most people if they realized that.

Just then, Wendy came running up the sidewalk to me. She looked _maaaaad._ But for once, her besties Janice and Patricia weren't tagging along behind her.

"I'm gonna kill you!" she seethed.

"Me?!" I asked. "What did _I_ do?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out...but you'd better watch your back!"

"So you heard?" I said.

"I HEARD?" she repeated. "Danny came home in the middle of the night and told us that he'd gotten married to _your_ sister! We're step-siblings!"

I winced. "Don't remind me."

"This is horrible!" she went on. "It's gonna ruin our reputations!"

"Uh, no. It's gonna ruin _my_ reputation. Not yours. Pam is cool. Danny isn't."

"Still! I have a reputation, too, you know."

"Oh, do you?" I asked.

"Yes. I have a reputation of being the _only_ girl in the school who doesn't like _you_!" she argued. "Which won't work if we're related!"

"Shannon doesn't like me..." I reminded her.

"Shannon is _blind."_ she said, like it was the most obvious thing. It probably was, since the girl was literally blind.

I sighed. "Details."

"Don't try to turn this on me! We're both victims here!" she exclaimed.

"I'm not turning _anything_ on you, and just because we're both victims doesn't mean we have to be allies."

"They are forcing us to be family! This should technically be just as illegal as rape!"

I gave her a look. "What?"

Wendy groaned in frustration. "You are so _dumb_. I don't know how I'm gonna stand living with you!"

She turned and stormed away.

"Jess, come on," Pete called. I had stopped walking. I was deep in thought of what my rival had just said.

 _'I'm gonna hate living with you... living with you... living with you...'_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I have to write something up here, or else 'D.J.' will get shifted to the right, like in Chapter three. Enjoy!**

 **~IlluminatiGirl**

 **D.J.**

 **Part Two- Chapter Six**

All day, I got glances and looks from people. I tried to keep a low profile, but that doesn't exactly work when you're the most popular guy in the eight grade. Every time I tried to forget about all this, someone would remind me. Curse my good looks.

After school, just when I thought I had gotten through the day and I could go home and drown my sorrows in my guitar, Jessica decided to do the right thing at the wrong time, and walk home with me.

"So..." she started. I groaned inwardly. Jessica was not like most girls, who went on and on about clothes and make-up and boring girl crap, so I could listen to her talk for hours.

But right now, girlfriend, just zip it.

Unfortunately, mind-reading had not yet been invented in 1976, so she just kept on talking.

"I heard about your sister. Did she really marry Danny Tanner?"

" _AHHHH!_ " I just lost it. I had stayed calm all day and ignore it, but it just wasn't working.

"Just leave me alone!" I begged. "Stop talking about it! Stop _glancing_ and _snickering_ and whispering about it behind by back! I'm already mad enough! That stupid moron elopes with my sister and I can't catch a break! Okay?! I get it. She's pregnant with Danny's child. But why does everyone _care_ so much?! Why is it any of their business?! Why can't they just _leave me alone_?! _Why_?!"

Jessica looked shocked and a bit frightened by my outburst. She probably thought I was overreacting. I probably was. But I didn't care.

I turned abruptly and stormed down the street. My backpack was heavy,, so I simply threw it onto the sidewalk. I didn't care about losing it. All that was in there was a bunch of school books and pens and stuff, which I never used anyway. I ran. I knew exactly where I was running to. I had to find Danny. I had to _'thank'_ him for ruining my life.

I had to make him pay.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This chapter has fighting in it, so to all you oversensitive people, don't get offended. And leave some reviews, eh? =P**

 **~IlluminatiGirl**

 **D.J.**

 **Part Two- Chapter Seven**

I came up to the college. It was dark brown and musty, like it had been standing there for centuries. I hated the sight of it. It reminded me that there was no hope for a bright future if you go to college. You'll end up depressed. Lonely. Lifeless. Like Danny.

The school grounds were completely empty except for one tall, thin, brown-haired boy. Wow. What luck. I could knock some sense into Danny without an audience. Or any witnesses. _If_ things got ugly.

Danny was carrying a couple of textbooks and whistling. What was he even doing here at this time? Oh, right. It's not even that late. Only 3:14. School got out at three. I guess he was the only college student who would actually stay after school to study or something. The others still had some hope.

Danny seemed genuinely happy, probably satisfied from planting his seed inside my sister. Not for long.

I went towards him. He spotted me and smiled, as if we were old buddies. We weren't. Far from it.

I narrowed my eyes at him, getting even angrier at his casualness, if that's a word.

"Hey, Jesse. How's it going?"

POW.

Right in the stomach. I shook off my hand. Danny was so thin, it hurt my hand to punch him. But I guess I shouldn't be complaining. _He_ was doubled over in pain, his books scattered across the pavement.

"Ohhhhh..." he groaned.

Satisfying. But I wasn't finished.

POW. Shoulder.

POW. Chin.

POW. Side.

POW. Extra hard in the ribs.

I delivered punches all over his frail body, pinning him against a dull brick wall. I wasn't even thinking. My brain was shut off and my fists were in full gear. Danny wasn't even fighting back. He was unsuccessfully trying to cover his face with his arms. I just knocked them out of the way.

"You think you can just do that to me?" I seethed. "You think you can elope with my sister like that? Make her pregnant like that? You think you can get away with it?! Well let me tell you something, _brother-in-law_...YOU _CAN'T_!"

I hit him hard in the rib again. Danny's face wasn't just pained anymore...it was scared. Of me. A grown man was afraid of me. I liked it.

"Listen, Neat Geek..." I said, my voice low, "You aren't good enough for Pam. You never were, and you never will be. I'll get you...and your little _sister_ , too."

I wasn't just trying to make a Wizard of Oz reference, I was dead serious. If he didn't keep his oversanitized paws off my sister, he was gonna regret it.

I stood up and walked away, leaving him lying motionless on the ground.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I was busy with my other story. =)

 **D.J.**

 **Part Two- Chapter Eight**

Pam was gonna kill me.

That's okay, it was worth it teaching Danny a lesson. But I kind of hoped I hadn't beaten him to death. I didn't want to care, but I did. I couldn't help it. I'm a pathetic excuse for a man.

About three hours later, I was lying on my bed, drowning my sorrows in music, as planned, when the door opened. And shut. Hard.

"JESSE!" Pam screamed angrily. I winced, and prayed to god that she wouldn't come barging into my room. But apparently, the mighty lord was not on my side these days, therefore she came barging into my room.

She looked _maaaaad._ Now, where had I seen that earlier today? Oh yeah, on the face of my new sister-in-law.

"I cannot believe you!" she exclaimed. "What were you thinking, beating Danny up like that?!"

I just shrugged. "He deserved it."

Pam glared at me in rage. "He did _not_ deserve it! No one deserves to be hurt like that, especially someone as sweet as Danny! Why did you do it!?"

"I told you; he deserved it." I repeated.

"Oh, well you're going to have to come up with a better explanation than that!" she told me. "Danny's in the hospital! The hospital, Jesse! You gave him a fractured rib!"

"A fractured rib?" I asked. "Well, A, he needs to toughen up. And B, wow, I didn't know I was _that_ strong!"

Pam just kept glaring at me.

"Jesse, this is not a joke," she said, sternly. "He could've pressed charges! You could've gotten in big trouble! You're just lucky Danny's a good guy."

I stared at her.

"Look, Jesse, whatever grudge you're holding against Danny, you need to get over it. And soon. Do you understand?"

I continued to stare.

"Aren't you even sorry?" she asked a little more calmly.

Was I sorry? Well, no...not really. Not really.

So I shrugged.

"What does that mean?!" she demanded, angry again. "Were you _trying_ to hurt him?! Were you trying to land him in the hospital?!"

"No!" I cut in quickly. "I didn't want to hurt him...I didn't plan it...it just happened!"

"Oh, it just _happened_? Fracturing someone's rib doesn't _just happen_ , Jesse!"

"I didn't want to hurt him." I repeated. Not the truth, but not exactly a lie. I had tracked him down to knock some sense into him, not put him in the hospital. "But I'm kind of glad I did." I added, stubbornly.

Pam looked shocked. I mean, since when did her perfect little brother purposely hurt people? I had beaten up Jeffrey Tillman in fourth grade, so don't act so surprised, sister.

"You- you- you- I don't believe this! Jesse...I thought you were a nice guy. What's happening to you?"

That hurt. "Gee, I don't know. Could it possibly be the fact that my sister eloped with one of my least favorite people and is pregnant with his child? Hmm...let's see- oh, why yes. It _is_."

"Jesse, this is _my_ life, not yours! It is none of your business what I do!"

"None of my business?!" I exclaimed. "It is very _much_ my business!"

"You had no right to beat him up and you know it! You'd better apologize-"

"Apologize?!" I repeated, to make sure I had heard correctly. "To the Neat Geek?! I think not!"

"Stop calling him that!"

"I can call him whatever I want. You're not the boss of me!" I yelled.

"Yes I am, I'm your big sister."

"If you were really my big sister, you would've asked me what I thought before you married Danny!" I threw my guitar pick on the ground.

"I don't need your permission to marry anyone! Or do anything! I'm a grown woman!"

"If you're a grown woman, why do you still with your parents?"

"I won't be living with my parents for long! I'm _married_ , remember?"

That stopped me cold.

Pam took a deep breath. "You know what? This is stupid. You're right. I'm not the boss of you. If you don't want to be friends with Danny, I can't make you. But I thought you would at least give him a chance. He's the most important person in my life. The guy I love. And I am _very_ disappointed in you."

With that, she turned and left my bedroom.

I had stood up sometime during the spat, and I remained standing after she left.

Pam had never been disappointed in me. She got mad, or upset, or annoyed, but never _disappointed_. I hated it.

Her words rung through my head.

 _'He's the most important person in my life...the guy I love...'_

Danny. Danny is the most important person in my sister's life. _Danny._

I knew she was already gone, but still I whispered...

"What about me?"


	13. Chapter 13

La la la la la la writing stuff just to make a gap...

K. Enjoy.

~IlluminatiGirl

 **D.J.**

 **Part Three- Chapter One**

I hadn't spoken to Pam for the whole weekend. And she hadn't spoken to me. We were avoiding each other. Danny was quickly recovering in the hospital. My mom and dad wanted Pam to have a real wedding. They had gotten over her eloping and being pregnant, so now everyone was on good terms but me. I still hadn't accepted it.

By Monday, the news of me beating up my new brother-in-law was all over the school. This, I didn't mind people knowing. I'm sorry, does that make me a horrible person? Oh well.

I was at my locker before class on Monday, when Pete and Sam came running up to me.

"Jess, man, you're all over the school! You _beat up_ the Neat Geek!" Pete exclaimed. "Shouldn't be too hard though, the Neat Geek's weak. He should be called the Weak Geek."

"Did Pam and Danny really get married?" Sam asked me. Just him mentioning it made my stomach drop.

"I bet he's really wrecked, huh?" Pete asked.

"Fractured rib." I said simply.

"Whoa," Pete said in awe, "A fractured rib by a kid! He must be humiliated."

I shrugged and shut my locker. Didn't they see I wasn't in the mood to be praised?

"Hey man, where you going?" Pete asked.

"Gotta get to class."

"There's still ten minutes!" Sam called.

I didn't listen. I just turned the corner and bumped right into Jessica. Ugh.

"Oh, it's _you_ ," she said flatly.

"Yeah, hi, bye, gotta get to class." I said quickly, trying to slide past her. She grabbed my arm.

"Hold it," she said, "There's still ten minutes."

Gee, you come late for five years and you're scarred for life.

"Can't a guy be early for once?" I countered.

"Not if his girlfriend want to talk to him." she said firmly.

I groaned. If I could only get to class, I could lay my head down on the desk and not listen to anyone talk. It's what I usually did anyway. I had a C average, in case you were wondering.

"So..." she started. "I hear you beat Danny up."

"Yeah, could we just forget about that?" I begged.

"No we _can't_ just forget about it!" she said. "Why would you do that? What did he ever do to you?"

"You wouldn't understand," I muttered, trying to get out of her grip. She only grabbed tighter.

"Okay, maybe I wouldn't understand. I don't know what you have against Danny. But what about Pam?"

"What _about_ Pam?" I argued.

"Pam cares about him! What if it was me? What if someone hurt me like that? How would _you_ feel? Would you even _care_?"

"What? Of course!"

"Really? Because you seem pretty okay with people getting hurt."

"No, but I-"

"You used to be nice. The Jesse I knew wouldn't have beaten anyone up if someone had payed you."

Then she left. To go to class.

Great. Could my life get any worse? Now on top of everything that was happening, my girlfriend was mad at me.

I decided to just apologize to Danny so everyone would be happy with me and get off my back. It was the least I could do. -_-


End file.
